"Now even if I lay my head down at night, after a day I got perfectly right, She won't know..."
Those song lyrics seem to ring so true for life with diabetes sometimes and came to mind last night as I lay on the couch waiting for things to level out after a 2 AM low. The evening before, we went to a neighbors house for a game night with some friends. There was a lot of beer and a lot of delicious snack foods, including some amazing cookie dough truffles and tater tops, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon (sooooooooo good). At first I had told myself I wasn't going to drink because I didn't want to have to deal with continually taking insulin for each beer I had throughout the night. But as the night wore on and everyone else was enjoying their beer and I had finished my diet Dr. Pepper I decided to have a couple. Typically in this situation I would bolus for the first, then forget about any others and end up high later. This time though I decided I was only going to have the two Angry Orchard ciders that were left in my fridge. They are a favorite of mine so I knew they had 24 carbs a piece so I bolused for both as well as an estimate for the snacks I had eaten. I always err a little on the low side when drinking so I tested when I got home late that night and was at 224. I corrected with 4 units and went to bed. Then a couple of hours later I found myself waking up sweaty and shaky so I stumbled down the stairs to find myself at 55 and eating Sour Patch Kids in the middle of the night. That's where the frustration comes in. Even though I did everything correctly tonight I still wound up low in the middle of the night. I counted my carbs for dinner and bolused. I took insulin for the drinks I had and limited myself to the amount of drinks I had planned on. I even bolused for my snacking which is a rarity. Then I double checked when I got home and corrected the high from my bolus coming up a little short, which I expected because I would rather be high after wards and enjoy the evening than go low in front of a bunch of people I've just met. And the rarest thing of all is that I limited myself to about 16 carbs to fix the low. Even though I was tired and all I really wanted to do was eat the entire box of candy and go back to bed. I checked again before heading to bed and was 113. After waking up this morning I was at 143. These kinds of times are not uncommon. Even when you feel like you've done everything right you still end up with this off the wall number, be it a high or a low. You do exactly what you should. Treat the low with minimal carbs and still end up high again later. You've put in all this work and if someone were to look at this number or maybe a high A1c they wouldn't know that you even tried.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Intro to D-Traveling
The Pretty Lady in My Life and I are about to embark on a new adventure in our life. Because she is a great person she has decided to be Gestational Surrogate. For those of you who don't know, (which is probably everyone because I had no idea previous to this), there are different kinds of surrogates. A Gestational Surrogacy means my wife will carry a child but will have no genetic relationship to the child. An embryo created from another couples egg and sperm will be transferred to her uterus where it will "cook" for a few months and then get to go home with his/her wonderful parents. Pretty Lady has been matched with a couple in Los Angeles, California. This means we will be taking a few trips to LA, the first of which will be next week for her medical evaluation. This is foreign territory for me as I haven't flown since my T1 diagnosis. In fact, my last trip on a plane about a week before being diagnosed, for our vacation where I realized "Holy crap, I'm peeing a lot," and took to Google to find out what horrible thing I might have wrong with me. I have taken a few short road trips, and one very long one before starting on insulin, but this will be my first air travel. It will a be a quick trip, arriving in LA at about Midnight and leaving at 5 PM the next day. I've read a lot about other people's experiences with airport security, carry ons, and the like. I don't currently have a pump or CGM so I won't need to worry about security in that aspect. I'll likely only be needing a carry on bag so all my D goodies will need to be in that one bag. That will be my meter, a couple vials of insulin, some syringes and low supplies. Enough to last about 36 hours tops. I'm a little unclear on what to expect with all of this going through airport security. Do I let them know ahead of time that I have these things in my bag or let wait to explain it if they ask? Do they need to be in a clear zip lock bag? Help! All you D travel experts. Any tips, tricks, or advice I should be aware of before heading out on this little adventure?
Sunday, May 17, 2015
DBW- Continuing Connections
This is my post for Day 7 of DBlog Week. Interested in more? Check it out here.
"The very first inspiration for Diabetes Blog Week was to help connect our blogging community, and that continues to be the most important reason it's held every year. So let's help foster and continue those connections as we wrap up another Dblog Week. Share a link to a new blog you've found or a new friend you've made. Or pick a random blog off of the Participant's List, check it out and share it with us. Let's take some time today to make new friends."
I have to admit that I have not done a great job of reading others posts for Diabetes Blog Week. There A LOT of posts and I sit down with the intention of reading through them but always seem to get pulled away. After all I still have a real person life on top of diabetes (weird right?) that requires me to take care of things as a parent, spouse, employee, employer, and human being (you know, eating and stuff). I have given up on emptying my Feedly reading list for the next several month and have just been going through the topic list for each day. I love seeing all the different perspectives and I have read several posts and a lot from blogs I have never read before though. And one of those was Kim at Confessions of a Deniabetic. The first post of hers I read was for Day 2- Keep It To Yourself and it resonated with me on a huge level. Kim is new to blogging but definitely not to diabetes and she started her blog for many of the same reasons that I did. To help deal with a lot of the feelings that diabetes brings up. I find so much of what she says very relate able. I look forward to reading what she has to share.
Want to see what blogs everyone else loved? Check out all the other posts for Continuing Connections!
That ends Diabetes Blog Week 2016 for me! I officially survived my 2nd one, and I actually managed to get a post up 7 days in a row. I think that's a record! Thanks for reading everyone and thanks to all of the bloggers who participated for posting.
"The very first inspiration for Diabetes Blog Week was to help connect our blogging community, and that continues to be the most important reason it's held every year. So let's help foster and continue those connections as we wrap up another Dblog Week. Share a link to a new blog you've found or a new friend you've made. Or pick a random blog off of the Participant's List, check it out and share it with us. Let's take some time today to make new friends."
I have to admit that I have not done a great job of reading others posts for Diabetes Blog Week. There A LOT of posts and I sit down with the intention of reading through them but always seem to get pulled away. After all I still have a real person life on top of diabetes (weird right?) that requires me to take care of things as a parent, spouse, employee, employer, and human being (you know, eating and stuff). I have given up on emptying my Feedly reading list for the next several month and have just been going through the topic list for each day. I love seeing all the different perspectives and I have read several posts and a lot from blogs I have never read before though. And one of those was Kim at Confessions of a Deniabetic. The first post of hers I read was for Day 2- Keep It To Yourself and it resonated with me on a huge level. Kim is new to blogging but definitely not to diabetes and she started her blog for many of the same reasons that I did. To help deal with a lot of the feelings that diabetes brings up. I find so much of what she says very relate able. I look forward to reading what she has to share.
Want to see what blogs everyone else loved? Check out all the other posts for Continuing Connections!
That ends Diabetes Blog Week 2016 for me! I officially survived my 2nd one, and I actually managed to get a post up 7 days in a row. I think that's a record! Thanks for reading everyone and thanks to all of the bloggers who participated for posting.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
DBW- Favorites and Motivations
This is my post for Day 6 of DBlog Week. Interested in more? Check it out here.
"The very first inspiration for Diabetes Blog Week was to help connect our blogging community, and that continues to be the most important reason it's held every year. So let's help foster and continue those connections as we wrap up another Dblog Week. Share a link to a new blog you've found or a new friend you've made. Or pick a random blog off of the Participant's List, check it out and share it with us. Let's take some time today to make new friends."
Of all my posts my favorite line still comes from my second post on the blog. "This is not MY diabetes, this is OUR diabetes." Try as I might to compartmentalize things and keep them to myself or keep things from effecting those around me it's just not possible. Diabetes does not just alter the life of the person who is diagnosed, it is life changing for everyone around them as well. When I child is diagnosed the parents become live in nurses, sacrificing sleep and social activities to ensure that their child is healthy. They become an external pancreas for their children. And then there is the financial impact. For the siblings it means that one child in the family is likely receiving a lot more attention as Mom and Dad fight to keep them healthy. For those diagnosed as adults like myself the rest of the family undergoes a lot of changes as well. For the Pretty Lady in My Life it meant a lot of worry. Not knowing what this diagnosis meant and seeing me suffer through low and high blood sugar fluctuations. And the mood swings...oh the mood swings. My kids don't always fully understand what is going on, they have to deal with Dad not always feeling up to playing or having mood swings. And they have all had to deal with mental aspects of this disease and the depression it sometimes brings on for me, right along side me. I often forget that while I'm the one checking blood sugar, dosing insulin, fixing lows, and whatever else diabetes throws at me I am not alone in the fight. I have my loved ones going through it right along side me.
Check out everyone else's posts about their Favorites and Motivations!
"The very first inspiration for Diabetes Blog Week was to help connect our blogging community, and that continues to be the most important reason it's held every year. So let's help foster and continue those connections as we wrap up another Dblog Week. Share a link to a new blog you've found or a new friend you've made. Or pick a random blog off of the Participant's List, check it out and share it with us. Let's take some time today to make new friends."
Of all my posts my favorite line still comes from my second post on the blog. "This is not MY diabetes, this is OUR diabetes." Try as I might to compartmentalize things and keep them to myself or keep things from effecting those around me it's just not possible. Diabetes does not just alter the life of the person who is diagnosed, it is life changing for everyone around them as well. When I child is diagnosed the parents become live in nurses, sacrificing sleep and social activities to ensure that their child is healthy. They become an external pancreas for their children. And then there is the financial impact. For the siblings it means that one child in the family is likely receiving a lot more attention as Mom and Dad fight to keep them healthy. For those diagnosed as adults like myself the rest of the family undergoes a lot of changes as well. For the Pretty Lady in My Life it meant a lot of worry. Not knowing what this diagnosis meant and seeing me suffer through low and high blood sugar fluctuations. And the mood swings...oh the mood swings. My kids don't always fully understand what is going on, they have to deal with Dad not always feeling up to playing or having mood swings. And they have all had to deal with mental aspects of this disease and the depression it sometimes brings on for me, right along side me. I often forget that while I'm the one checking blood sugar, dosing insulin, fixing lows, and whatever else diabetes throws at me I am not alone in the fight. I have my loved ones going through it right along side me.
Check out everyone else's posts about their Favorites and Motivations!
Friday, May 15, 2015
DBW- My Diabetes be like...
This is my post for Day 5 of DBlog Week. Interested in more? Check it out here.
"If you could personify your diabetes or that of your loved one, what would it be like? What would it look like, what would it say, what kind of personality would it have? Use your imagination and feel free to use images, drawings, words, music, etc. to describe it."
Today is supposed to be about what I eat, but my schedule is crazy and the only thing that is very consistent is breakfast. And my eating habits are a sore spot for me anyways so it's probably best to stay away from that one for now. Instead I'll take a whack at turning Mr. D into a living, breathing, thing. Instead of the lazy, do-nothing, pancreas it really is.
When I go low my diabetes is like a zombie. Mindlessly searching for sustenance.
Or maybe it's like a stoner. Don't want to move or speak, but I really have the munchies.
When my blood sugar is high my diabetes is like the Hulk, you never know what will set me off, but when I do...watch out
(Puny God)
Some days my diabetes is like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so quiet you hardly know its there.
(Sidenote: If you search cocoon on Giphy, you get a lot of Bjork videos)
And sometimes its a freaking monster.
But no matter what the day brings, my diabetes just keeps going and going and going and going and going and going...you get the idea.
"If you could personify your diabetes or that of your loved one, what would it be like? What would it look like, what would it say, what kind of personality would it have? Use your imagination and feel free to use images, drawings, words, music, etc. to describe it."
Today is supposed to be about what I eat, but my schedule is crazy and the only thing that is very consistent is breakfast. And my eating habits are a sore spot for me anyways so it's probably best to stay away from that one for now. Instead I'll take a whack at turning Mr. D into a living, breathing, thing. Instead of the lazy, do-nothing, pancreas it really is.
When I go low my diabetes is like a zombie. Mindlessly searching for sustenance.
Or maybe it's like a stoner. Don't want to move or speak, but I really have the munchies.
When my blood sugar is high my diabetes is like the Hulk, you never know what will set me off, but when I do...watch out
(Puny God)
Some days my diabetes is like a caterpillar in a cocoon, so quiet you hardly know its there.
(Sidenote: If you search cocoon on Giphy, you get a lot of Bjork videos)
And sometimes its a freaking monster.
But no matter what the day brings, my diabetes just keeps going and going and going and going and going and going...you get the idea.
GIF from peteneems.tumblr.com
And so do I.
Check out all the other diabetes personified posts here!
All GIFs were sourced from giphy.com unless noted otherwise
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
DBW- Changes
This is my post for Day 4 of DBlog Week. Interested in more?
Check it out here.
"Today let's talk about changes, in one of two ways. Either tell us what you'd most like to see change about diabetes, in any way. This can be management tools, devices, medications, people's perceptions, your own feelings – anything at all that you feel could use changing. OR reflect back on some changes you or your loved one has seen or been through since being diagnosed with diabetes. Were they expected or did they surprise you?"
Of course the change we'd all like to see is a cure. But in the meantime there are lot of other changes I'd love to see. At the top of that list for me would be accessibility to technology for more people. There are a lot of great options out there to help make living with diabetes easier. From pens, to pumps and CGMs that are becoming more accurate and integrated, and now closed loop systems on the horizon. They're all amazing advancements that can improve quality of life for those who choose to use them. Or those who can afford to. I have had the opportunity to use a Dexcom CGM for a short time and loved it. It was easier to monitor my blood sugar meaning it stayed in range more often. For someone who forgets to test as often as they should, it's a great tool. But it's also an expensive one. I have a high deductible insurance plan and, while I'm thankful to have insurance at all, it doesn't cover a lot of extras. With my deductible met I paid $300 to get started on a CGM. On top of that was another $80 for sensors. After my deductible reset it would have been even more but I learned I could get them through my pharmacy benefit which brought the cost down to around $50 which was doable...until my transmitter met the end of its battery life. A new one will cost me $600 if my deductible hasn't been met. I would love to go on a pump because I know it would help me with tighter control and a better A1c. But a pump would cost me $900 on the low end and $6000 on the high end. With the lower end the monthly cost would be much higher, Even with a cheaper option my monthly cost of supplies being paid out of pocket would make it hard for me to put food on the table. Most of the pump companies do offer payment plans, which helps, but for many people that still eliminates it as an option. I'm not against companies making money. I don't believe companies providing these goods need to be non profit, although I'm not thrilled at the thought of someone profiting off my disease. But I find it hard to believe that a small piece of plastic with a radio transmitter inside needs to cost $600 for the company to turn a profit. Nor does a pump need to cost $6000. I can get a cell phone or a computer for a much smaller cost. I'm not an expert on pumps and won't claim to me but I don't believe there is any more technology put into a pump than a state of the art computer. There is such a large group of people left unable to get the care they need because of the cost. This doesn't even include the people who struggle to afford insulin every month because it costs several hundred dollars a month.
I'm not asking for companies to stop making money. Just find a way to make it more affordable for everyone.
I work for a very large retail company. For any given week I can look at what single category did the most sales in my store. And in each of those weeks I can guarantee you that in the top 5 one of the categories will be diabetes. Last week it was number 3 at $13,000. The week before it was number one with $39,000. Before that number 5 with $22,000. And this is at a retailer that sells its goods at a lower price point than most others, including diabetes supplies. I don't think that any of these companies are struggling to turn a profit. I think they can give up a little to expand accessibility. That is change I can get behind.
Head over and read the rest of the great "Changes" posts!
"Today let's talk about changes, in one of two ways. Either tell us what you'd most like to see change about diabetes, in any way. This can be management tools, devices, medications, people's perceptions, your own feelings – anything at all that you feel could use changing. OR reflect back on some changes you or your loved one has seen or been through since being diagnosed with diabetes. Were they expected or did they surprise you?"
Of course the change we'd all like to see is a cure. But in the meantime there are lot of other changes I'd love to see. At the top of that list for me would be accessibility to technology for more people. There are a lot of great options out there to help make living with diabetes easier. From pens, to pumps and CGMs that are becoming more accurate and integrated, and now closed loop systems on the horizon. They're all amazing advancements that can improve quality of life for those who choose to use them. Or those who can afford to. I have had the opportunity to use a Dexcom CGM for a short time and loved it. It was easier to monitor my blood sugar meaning it stayed in range more often. For someone who forgets to test as often as they should, it's a great tool. But it's also an expensive one. I have a high deductible insurance plan and, while I'm thankful to have insurance at all, it doesn't cover a lot of extras. With my deductible met I paid $300 to get started on a CGM. On top of that was another $80 for sensors. After my deductible reset it would have been even more but I learned I could get them through my pharmacy benefit which brought the cost down to around $50 which was doable...until my transmitter met the end of its battery life. A new one will cost me $600 if my deductible hasn't been met. I would love to go on a pump because I know it would help me with tighter control and a better A1c. But a pump would cost me $900 on the low end and $6000 on the high end. With the lower end the monthly cost would be much higher, Even with a cheaper option my monthly cost of supplies being paid out of pocket would make it hard for me to put food on the table. Most of the pump companies do offer payment plans, which helps, but for many people that still eliminates it as an option. I'm not against companies making money. I don't believe companies providing these goods need to be non profit, although I'm not thrilled at the thought of someone profiting off my disease. But I find it hard to believe that a small piece of plastic with a radio transmitter inside needs to cost $600 for the company to turn a profit. Nor does a pump need to cost $6000. I can get a cell phone or a computer for a much smaller cost. I'm not an expert on pumps and won't claim to me but I don't believe there is any more technology put into a pump than a state of the art computer. There is such a large group of people left unable to get the care they need because of the cost. This doesn't even include the people who struggle to afford insulin every month because it costs several hundred dollars a month.
I'm not asking for companies to stop making money. Just find a way to make it more affordable for everyone.
I work for a very large retail company. For any given week I can look at what single category did the most sales in my store. And in each of those weeks I can guarantee you that in the top 5 one of the categories will be diabetes. Last week it was number 3 at $13,000. The week before it was number one with $39,000. Before that number 5 with $22,000. And this is at a retailer that sells its goods at a lower price point than most others, including diabetes supplies. I don't think that any of these companies are struggling to turn a profit. I think they can give up a little to expand accessibility. That is change I can get behind.
Head over and read the rest of the great "Changes" posts!
DBW- Cleaning out the closet
This is my post for Day 3 of DBlog Week. Interested in more? Check it out here.
"Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out. What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? (Thank you Rick of RA Diabetes for this topic suggestion.)"
There are several things that I know I need to clean out of my metaphorical diabetes closet. Negativity, bitterness, and anger top the list. I have been stuck in a rut lately, not just for my diabetes care but my life in general and its a very negative one. I have had a tendency to take a lot of things directed at me very personally, and immediately I see it in a negative light and retaliate. This weekend was a perfect example. A group from work formed a team to walk in the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. I've not been directly effected by breast cancer so I can't really say that I can relate with all the people there to show their support or walk as survivors, just as someone without T1 can't relate to what seeing all the kids walking with the families at the JDRF walk meant to me. Unfortunately, I approached the whole event with a very bitter and negative attitude. Rather than enjoy the event for what it was, a celebration for all the women who have beaten breast cancer and a way to honor those who were unable to beat it, I could only compare it to the showing my own walk received the week before. The difference in attendance was staggering. A river of pink filled the a 3 lane road for well over a mile. It was an amazing sight and looking back now I am glad that they were able to have such a great turnout.
I have been walking around with a very bitter chip on my shoulder. I organized a radio remote at my store and sold popcorn and drinks to raise money for my walk team and spread the word. We made $10, which is mostly on me because I did little to plan it in advance. I made the comment to my wife that if I had a pink ribbon on the table I probably would have sold a lot more. It's probably a true statement but there is the problem. I cannot compare our community to others. When I compare diseases and try to think that one is worse than the other, no one wins. It is just like someone saying to me "At least it's not cancer," when they learn I have diabetes. It's disrespectful and ignorant. It discounts the battle that those people have fought, win or lose.
So, cleaning out my closet needs to start by throwing out my bitter feelings and changing my outlook. It won't be easy but it is necessary. The negativity is seeping into and ruining many parts of my life. It's time for it to go.
You can read all the other amazing posts for "Cleaning Out The Closet" here!
"Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out. What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? (Thank you Rick of RA Diabetes for this topic suggestion.)"
There are several things that I know I need to clean out of my metaphorical diabetes closet. Negativity, bitterness, and anger top the list. I have been stuck in a rut lately, not just for my diabetes care but my life in general and its a very negative one. I have had a tendency to take a lot of things directed at me very personally, and immediately I see it in a negative light and retaliate. This weekend was a perfect example. A group from work formed a team to walk in the Susan G. Komen race for the cure. I've not been directly effected by breast cancer so I can't really say that I can relate with all the people there to show their support or walk as survivors, just as someone without T1 can't relate to what seeing all the kids walking with the families at the JDRF walk meant to me. Unfortunately, I approached the whole event with a very bitter and negative attitude. Rather than enjoy the event for what it was, a celebration for all the women who have beaten breast cancer and a way to honor those who were unable to beat it, I could only compare it to the showing my own walk received the week before. The difference in attendance was staggering. A river of pink filled the a 3 lane road for well over a mile. It was an amazing sight and looking back now I am glad that they were able to have such a great turnout.
I have been walking around with a very bitter chip on my shoulder. I organized a radio remote at my store and sold popcorn and drinks to raise money for my walk team and spread the word. We made $10, which is mostly on me because I did little to plan it in advance. I made the comment to my wife that if I had a pink ribbon on the table I probably would have sold a lot more. It's probably a true statement but there is the problem. I cannot compare our community to others. When I compare diseases and try to think that one is worse than the other, no one wins. It is just like someone saying to me "At least it's not cancer," when they learn I have diabetes. It's disrespectful and ignorant. It discounts the battle that those people have fought, win or lose.
So, cleaning out my closet needs to start by throwing out my bitter feelings and changing my outlook. It won't be easy but it is necessary. The negativity is seeping into and ruining many parts of my life. It's time for it to go.
You can read all the other amazing posts for "Cleaning Out The Closet" here!
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