Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Other Half

Often times I get pretty caught up in the way living with diabetes makes ME feel.  It is this all consuming thing that is never far from my mind and effects nearly every decision that I make.  It can be incredibly frustrating to have no one around who can relate to the situations this disease puts me in.  I have mood swings frequently, sometimes because of fluctuating blood sugars, sometimes for God knows why.  I get down in the dumps, sometimes out of nowhere, and can't offer much of an explanation why.  And when these things come about I can be hard on the Pretty Lady In My Life because she just can't quite understand what I'm going through.  But, I read something yesterday that has resonated through my head ever since.  What is it like for those people who have to watch a loved one deal with diabetes and want so badly to understand but not be able to.  It is hard for me to watch my children be sick and not be able to fully understand or explain what is going on. I am sure this pales in comparison to having to watch someone you love go through constant ups and downs only to get upset when you do things to try to understand what they are going through.  I think far too often in terms of "me" with my diabetes.  Why can't they offer Me a little sympathy?  Why don't they understand how hard some days are for ME?  They will never get what I am going through.  I have spent the last day or so trying to look at the other side of the coin.  What is it like for my loved ones to take this ride with me and not be able to fully relate or understand.  My children are still to young to understand.  They just see Daddy poke himself to check for sugar and give medicine to keep him well.  The one I feel most bad about is the Pretty Lady.  She is the one who tried to be there, does her best to understand, digs to try to find answers behind my moods, but gets few thanks, and often a lot of attitude in return.  When we said "in sickness and in health" neither of us had any inkling of what was coming.  I would understand if she saw me as damaged goods and did not want to endure whatever is to come.  But she doesn't.  She loves every part of me and tried to get it, even while I stubbornly sulk over the fact that she never will.