Monday, October 20, 2014

The give and take

I've been having a hard time writing lately.  Truth is I've been in a rough spot for several weeks and each time I think I'm out I find myself right back in again.  After some time it has become easy for me to talk about the fact that I struggle with depression.  But talking about the details of that depression is still hard.  Very hard.  I have been making strides to better my care over the past few months.  I saw an endo for the first time in my 3 years living with diabetes and finally got in to see a psychologist at a local diabetes clinic (just in the nick of time).  And both are good.  However both come with bad points as well.  When someone specializes in something and is good at what they do, the cost goes up.  And my insurance sucks.  So I am stuck at this fork in the road where I have to decided which is more important.  A higher standard of care and a bigger bill or the status quo and less stress about how I am going to pay for it.  I could continue to see a primary care physician for my diabetes care but I hope to start pumping sometime in the future and I want to see someone who is more in tune with diabetes and I really like the endo I just started seeing.  I could also see any random psychologist or clinical social worker for depression.  But diabetes is such a huge part of my life and plays so much into my mental health that I really think it's beneficial to see someone who specializes in that.  And these appointments have been huge for me.  As I said I've been in the midst of a rough  patch lately, but I'm typing on my phone and that's a terrible way to get into that subject.  So I am left with this very difficult decision; is the extra stress of higher healthcare costs with crappy insurance coverage worth the difference in care I am receiving?  That's a really hard question to answer.  With my endo, aside from having a really good vibe and feeling after my first appointment there really wasn't anything out of the ordinary or groundbreaking from the meeting.  But I think it's too soon to tell there.  As for therapy, I would have to say yes, it's worth it.  It is hard to find someone you really gel with and can discuss these things with.  My mental state and my diabetes are so intertwined with one another that I don't think it's possible for someone to really provide help without having a good knowledge of both.  So I guess what I'm getting at is that it really depends on the situation.  That and I still don't know the answer for myself.  And also, I need a job with much better health care coverage because this is getting ridiculous.

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